Looking fly in my 30s
Three weeks ago, I turned 33. I asked myself how do I feel, and to be honest, I don’t feel much different than 32, or 31, or 30 or 29. I’ve pretty much been steadily focused on what I believe God has called me to become. But my Nigerian mother and my cohort of Nigerian aunties have a different way of viewing my age. From 25 and beyond, the seasoned women in my life have made it their duty to remind me of a clock that is ticking somewhere and have been committing co-operations to introduce me to men I’m sure they haven’t properly profiled for compatibility, all in the name of making me an M.R.S.
So, I’m aware that some may not agree with my point-of-view. But let’s push our personal feelings aside and analyze the matter objectively, shall we? First and foremost, sex is enjoyable. I definitely agree. It is. It was meant to be. God created sex to bring married couples closer together to strengthen their companionship. I’m kinda against the school of thought that the main purpose of sex is to produce children, because you don’t see a child mentioned in the Bible until after the fall of man. So, what were Adam and Eve doing in the Garden until then, just looking at each other?
However, the intent was to bring them closer AFTER they grew close through emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy is simply allowing someone to “see into you” and allowing you to “see into them,” their heart, their mind, their soul. Every type of interpersonal relationship requires emotional intimacy, but it is a powerful catalyst for fulfilling sexual desires in a husband and wife relationship. The reason why I’m putting emphasis on HUSBAND and WIFE and not just any relationship is to acknowledge that sex outside of a strong, committed marriage is way too dangerous. Even Solomon’s wife agreed.
Solomon 8:3-4 (MSG)
Imagine! His left hand cradling my head,
his right arm around my waist!
Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem:
Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up,
until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.”
Previously, I spoke about the perception of men having a lot of options pertaining to their choice of women. You can read my slight rant here. The bottom line, I don’t think men have a lot of options if they’re looking for valuable women. Not just any valuable woman. A woman that will add personal value to them. Here are a few guidelines for valuable women to follow.
I’ve been going back and forth about whether I should start a series about my journey in singlehood (the not married yet and mother is worried stage) within the Nigerian community. I’ve been hesitant about starting the series, because talking about marriage and my expectations can be such a sensitive area that I have slight issues of fear and vulnerability about sharing. However, knowing that shared perspectives and being transparent can be therapeutic to some and informative to others, it encourages me to keep typing. Especially, when I hear 25-year-olds complaining and worrying about how not being married yet is the end all be all, not fully understanding that marriage is the REAL DEAL. It’s not a joke. There are high ups and heavy downs. Changed personalities and circumstances can snatch one’s head out of the clouds pretty quickly. At the same time, marriage can be wrapped with beautiful bows of companionship and fulfillment.
Knowing all of this…I still complain and worry, at times. Hey, I’m human. Between friends getting married every year and my mom calling me to jest about which of her friends’ children are getting married, I’ve definitely had my fall out on my bed, woe is me, “Lord, why is EVERYONE getting married, but me?!,” moments a time or two. Between Aunties telling me that, “In Jesus name, you will get married this year,” (To whom?) and others telling me that “Chai, you’re too picky!” (I mean shouldn’t I be cautious…this is for the rest of my life)— I’ve definitely had my off days.
But overall, I’m content. I get to hop on a plane to see a friend without having to run it by anyone. I can come home late and just eat popcorn for dinner without having to worry if anyone is properly fed. I can sleep-in till 10am (which is super late for me…considering I’m typing this post at 4:30am) and than do my pilates routine without interruption. Every stage in life has its high ups and heavy downs. I’m learning to be content by realizing seasons come and go. It’s better to get the most out of every season instead of letting it pass by without any fulfillment in that state. I’m learning everyday.
How do you stay content in your season?