Previously, I spoke about the perception of men having a lot of options pertaining to their choice of women. You can read my slight rant here. The bottom line, I don’t think men have a lot of options if they’re looking for valuable women. Not just any valuable woman. A woman that will add personal value to them. Here are a few guidelines for valuable women to follow.
1. Be An Individual
It baffles me when I explain to women, especially Nigerian women, my accomplishments thus far yet they say, “but you’re still not married.” As if, my accomplishments as a single woman are irrelevant because I’m not married YET. Yes, marriage is a beautiful journey. Otherwise, God wouldn’t have created it. However, I think it’s insulting to God to believe that your life begins when you’re married. He created us as individuals and we will die as individuals. Surely, we must have a particular purpose and calling over our lives as individuals. The best time to learn what that calling is, is while we’re single. Embracing marriage and motherhood is best served if we’re confident in the direction we’re going. Let’s be honest, if more women understood their purpose BEFORE marriage, I don’t believe half of the marriages we have today would exist the way they are now. Especially, in the Nigerian community. There are a lot of aunties and mommies that entered their marriages because of pressure, circumstances, and lack of direction. Knowing your purpose is not only value to you, but also to your husband. You both would less likely deal with a mid-life crisis beacause of your dissatisfaction with life.
2. Be Authentic
After searching for your purpose, a woman becomes more valuable by being authentic. Once we have an understanding of our direction in life, we don’t need to mimic someone we’re not. Men don’t like women who are fake. Proper men like women who know who they are and aren’t afraid to express it. This is a trait I am consistently trying to develop. I am independent, direct and for the most part I know what I want and what I’m after. Not every guy, especially Nigerian guys can appreciate these qualities. As I’ve grown to appreciate my uniqueness, I don’t try to persuade any guy to understand me either. The right guy will come along, the one that loves our strengths and extends mercy to our flaws.
3. Be Set Apart
No one really values something they can get easily. Men don’t either. That’s why, as a woman, it’s important to set yourself apart. If everyone is going one direction, go the other. Trends change and tides are re-direction. It’s important to hone your unique skills and traits. If you have a passion for pilates and herbal teas, while everyone is on the latest cardio craze then do you. If you prefer a natural makeup look, rather than beating your face to the nines than stick to that. What’s popular now changes over time. If you are consistent, even if that means you’ll be set apart for now, it will get you noticed and appreciated. Your uniqueness will attract an admirer that is looking to appreciate someone with your values.
4. Be A Problem Solver
I was speaking to one of my male friends about his girlfriend. I asked him whether he could see himself marrying the woman, he hesitated. He hesitated not because the woman isn’t beautiful or isn’t intelligent enough. He hesitated because he wasn’t convinced he could entrust his business operations to her if he needed to. He didn’t believe she was a problem solver. That is a characteristic he felt he needed in a successful marriage partner. At first, I thought this expectation was unique to his specific needs, but then I began to realize that problem solvers add value in any situation. Life brings a lot of challenging obstacles. For example, how would you effectively develop your marriage, if you and your spouse lived in two different countries? How would you effectively handle the stress of having a child with autism? How would you effectively manage household finances if your husband had to file for bankruptcy because his business failed? These are real life scenarios couples face. A woman who can problem solve her way through life challenges will become a valued treasure.
5. Be Creative
Now more than ever, I believe it’s important to tap into our God-given creativity.
“By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.” Hebrews 11:3
God created the Earth and everything within it. He placed that same creativity in us who are made in His image. But somewhere down the line, we got too comfortable and stop creating as much as a society. Our 9 to 5 hustles became the norm and the thing to desire. Pension plans and employment benefits kept us in places we just tolerated for years on end. However, people are finally realizing (myself included) that creating value is necessary to stay relevant and fulfilled these days. We need to hone in on our desire to create and create something beautiful.