Beautiful people, I have a confession to make.
The obvious is that I can’t speak Yoruba. Now, the occasional trendy pidgin phrases like “Ko le work” and “Naija no dey carry last” has slipped out of my mouth a few times, along with the basics like “Ekaaro” and “Omi” to name a few. But when I need to reply in Yoruba to the JJC (Johnny Just Come) who is wittily trying to test my Yoruba aptitude for baseless comparisons, I freeze up and the words get stuck in my throat. I mean, I can understand what they’re saying, for the most part, except that Ondo dialect that no one really understands except Ondonites, but to give an eloquent reply like a learned Nigerian is a challenge.
Beautiful people, I have struggled with this career issue for years. When I was younger, my mom asked me what I wanted to become, I told her Janet Jackson’s backup dancer. After she stared at me for a few minutes, she told me, “I didn’t come all the way from Nigeria for my child to aspire to dance behind someone, you don’t even want to dance in front of the person, you want to dance behind.” It was at that moment that my interest in entertainment appeared bleak. So when I entered high school and started seriously looking into my career path, I started to focus on Nigerian approved careers. The ones that Nigerian parents strongly encourage their children to become: doctor, lawyer, pharmacist, engineer, nurse, accountant and any variation of such. These are the quintessential careers that allow our parents to brag and believe that their migration to the States was worth it just because of the “Title.” I wanted a career I could grow to “like,” while also pleasing my parents. I finally decided on Law, after Advertising was shut down too.
However, times are changing. Values are shifting and professional school loans can be drowning. These days there are more options and need I say better options for career choices that would not only pay us a higher salary (hello Chief Technology Officer at a Startup), but also have potential to be more fulfilling.
Looking fly in my 30s
Three weeks ago, I turned 33. I asked myself how do I feel, and to be honest, I don’t feel much different than 32, or 31, or 30 or 29. I’ve pretty much been steadily focused on what I believe God has called me to become. But my Nigerian mother and my cohort of Nigerian aunties have a different way of viewing my age. From 25 and beyond, the seasoned women in my life have made it their duty to remind me of a clock that is ticking somewhere and have been committing co-operations to introduce me to men I’m sure they haven’t properly profiled for compatibility, all in the name of making me an M.R.S.
Beautiful…I get frustrated too, so you’re not alone. As loyal as I am to my natural hair, meaning a relaxer will not touch my hair again “by fire by force,” sometimes I can get so annoyed with it. From single strand knots to parched coils that refused to be quenched at times, I understand the frustration you’re feeling. It’s a universal feeling and I stand in solidarity with you. But why exactly are you frustrated?
So, I’m aware that some may not agree with my point-of-view. But let’s push our personal feelings aside and analyze the matter objectively, shall we? First and foremost, sex is enjoyable. I definitely agree. It is. It was meant to be. God created sex to bring married couples closer together to strengthen their companionship. I’m kinda against the school of thought that the main purpose of sex is to produce children, because you don’t see a child mentioned in the Bible until after the fall of man. So, what were Adam and Eve doing in the Garden until then, just looking at each other?
However, the intent was to bring them closer AFTER they grew close through emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy is simply allowing someone to “see into you” and allowing you to “see into them,” their heart, their mind, their soul. Every type of interpersonal relationship requires emotional intimacy, but it is a powerful catalyst for fulfilling sexual desires in a husband and wife relationship. The reason why I’m putting emphasis on HUSBAND and WIFE and not just any relationship is to acknowledge that sex outside of a strong, committed marriage is way too dangerous. Even Solomon’s wife agreed.
Solomon 8:3-4 (MSG)
Imagine! His left hand cradling my head,
his right arm around my waist!
Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem:
Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up,
until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.”
My love for African movies is few and far between. Once in a while, there are some good hits, but often times the plots are predictable, shameful or unrealistic. If it’s not about a cheating husband or wife, it’s about deceitful family members, backstabbing friends, and the drama that ensues. I tend not to expect much from them, just to be entertained. However, flipping through Netflix, I’ve noticed there are some interesting African focused movies that have some depth to them. Netflix took the time to negotiate for quality African titles. These movies either have enlightened me on an issue or made me proud to be African. So the next time you’re on Netflix, check these out.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen friends or friends of friends getting married to supposed men of their dreams only to be abandoned after their husband’s permanent residency is established. Not only have I seen it, but I almost became a victim.
I was introduced to a Nigerian guy who was living in the UK with a student visa that was expiring. He had no desire to move back to Nigeria. We conversed over the phone for about 6 months until I decided it was time to meet in person. When I got to the UK, ladies, he was a different person. He told me he wanted to marry me and had already arranged for a court ceremony (which wasn’t possible, because neither of us were British citizens) without meeting my parents. I refused. That’s when the trouble started. He was hostile, verbally abusive and condescending. I had never been with a man where I feared my safety. As soon as, I got back to the States, I broke our courtship off, especially since another woman called me confessing that she was with him the entire time and he told her he was using me to get his papers. Ladies, that was a frightening and confusing time for me. But I’m sharing my story so that others won’t go down the same path. Through the ordeal, I learned a few lessons that I hope you learn to.