So, I’m aware that some may not agree with my point-of-view. But let’s push our personal feelings aside and analyze the matter objectively, shall we? First and foremost, sex is enjoyable. I definitely agree. It is. It was meant to be. God created sex to bring married couples closer together to strengthen their companionship. I’m kinda against the school of thought that the main purpose of sex is to produce children, because you don’t see a child mentioned in the Bible until after the fall of man. So, what were Adam and Eve doing in the Garden until then, just looking at each other?
However, the intent was to bring them closer AFTER they grew close through emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy is simply allowing someone to “see into you” and allowing you to “see into them,” their heart, their mind, their soul. Every type of interpersonal relationship requires emotional intimacy, but it is a powerful catalyst for fulfilling sexual desires in a husband and wife relationship. The reason why I’m putting emphasis on HUSBAND and WIFE and not just any relationship is to acknowledge that sex outside of a strong, committed marriage is way too dangerous. Even Solomon’s wife agreed.
Solomon 8:3-4 (MSG)
Imagine! His left hand cradling my head,
his right arm around my waist!
Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem:
Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up,
until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.”
My love for African movies is few and far between. Once in a while, there are some good hits, but often times the plots are predictable, shameful or unrealistic. If it’s not about a cheating husband or wife, it’s about deceitful family members, backstabbing friends, and the drama that ensues. I tend not to expect much from them, just to be entertained. However, flipping through Netflix, I’ve noticed there are some interesting African focused movies that have some depth to them. Netflix took the time to negotiate for quality African titles. These movies either have enlightened me on an issue or made me proud to be African. So the next time you’re on Netflix, check these out.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen friends or friends of friends getting married to supposed men of their dreams only to be abandoned after their husband’s permanent residency is established. Not only have I seen it, but I almost became a victim.
I was introduced to a Nigerian guy who was living in the UK with a student visa that was expiring. He had no desire to move back to Nigeria. We conversed over the phone for about 6 months until I decided it was time to meet in person. When I got to the UK, ladies, he was a different person. He told me he wanted to marry me and had already arranged for a court ceremony (which wasn’t possible, because neither of us were British citizens) without meeting my parents. I refused. That’s when the trouble started. He was hostile, verbally abusive and condescending. I had never been with a man where I feared my safety. As soon as, I got back to the States, I broke our courtship off, especially since another woman called me confessing that she was with him the entire time and he told her he was using me to get his papers. Ladies, that was a frightening and confusing time for me. But I’m sharing my story so that others won’t go down the same path. Through the ordeal, I learned a few lessons that I hope you learn to.
Don’t rejoice when your enemies fall;
don’t be happy when they stumble.
For the Lord will be displeased with you
and will turn his anger away from them.
We all have haters. People who have offended us in different ways. When you’ve been hurt or offended, it’s hard to show a level of compassion towards that person. It seems unnatural and in essence, it is. It takes a great level of inner strength, humility, and faith to go against your instinct to be resentful or revengeful. However, sometimes it’s important to step outside of ourselves to see the situation in a different perspective or light to come to a more peaceful conclusion.
If you’re young Nigerian and fly without a man, chances are people are trying to introduce you to someone every other week. I’m I lying? I get it, marriage is an accomplishment to most and our parents and aunties want to brag about that too. They have our best interest in mind. But to a certain extent, you wonder whether they really know you when you meet some of these men. I’ve been there and trying to diplomatically escape from those situations are not easy. But I’ve learned a thing or two about human interaction that might be beneficial. However, it’s a process. Learning the art of politely rejecting people, so that they truly understand that you’re not interested (and not playing hard to get) is an art I’m still trying to master. Here are some common scenarios that may arise. It always helps to be prepared.
From threading to braids, Nigerian women aren’t afraid to experiment with their hair. We have been consistently adding attachments and weaves to adorn our beloved crowns. Gone are the days that a TWA (that’s Teeny Weeny Afro) meant you were on your way to boarding school or being punished for remotely enticing a boy with your hair just by letting the wind catch a strand. Now, a modern group of Nigerian Naturalistas are in the front of the hair class, giving us the inspiration to Big Chop and start over, proudly wearing our natural coils without shame. Here are a few noted Nigerians leading the way to help us embrace our beauty, naturally.
Previously, I spoke about the perception of men having a lot of options pertaining to their choice of women. You can read my slight rant here. The bottom line, I don’t think men have a lot of options if they’re looking for valuable women. Not just any valuable woman. A woman that will add personal value to them. Here are a few guidelines for valuable women to follow.